Shirt animals and TBT

Hello lovelies, this is K,

I’ve made some progress lately with my anxiety, I’ve been able to control it better than before. Right now though its weighing quite heavy on my chest, and yesterday I had an anxiety attack. Even though it only lasted for a few minutes it drained me off all my energy. I try to keep my spirits up, but sometimes its hard. I’m still waiting to get an appointment to start the therapy treatment, but it seems impossible to reach my psychologist right now… But I’m not expecting this journey to be on a straight road, its gonna have ups and downs. As long as I reach my goal, its okay.

Anyway, its getting closer and closer to the Avalinity gig at Sofie Park. I can’t wait, its going to be so awesome! I’ve prepared new stage wear and its going to be quite different from what I’ve worn in the past, but it includes leather-ish items and lots of lace. Hope you’ll like it~💕💕💕❤ I know I’ll be super nervous, its been a while since we played live and its going to be my debut as a singer. I’m really looking forward to it though! Tomorrow we’ll have a rehearsal and next week is probably gonna be crazy busy with all the preparations. I promise to keep you all updated!

As this is quite a random post so I might as well end it with a random picture I just found of my computer. Its from August 2013 right before I went to Hong Kong for four months. I remember using that shirt so much at that time. Its not beautiful but really comfy, haha! Its always strange to see myself not wearing black!

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Ugh, I miss my baby sis so much! You need to stop sending me pictures hun, I get jealous and I miss you! </3

Now I’m gonna go and watch some more documentaries. Take care everyone!

Love,
~K

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Pretty things~

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I framed my ARCANA poster! It looks luxurious, don’t you think?

I’ve listened quite a bit to the songs “STARDUST” and “KAISERIN -Rosenkreutz- the past week. I’m sure its gonna be my favorite for a while, its brilliant!

Gonna stop fangirling™ now, at least for a while. See you soon~~

Love,
~K

When your soul hurts

Yesterday I made a post on Instagram regarding depression. I expressed my concerns about opening up about my own experiences in that area, and about mental illness in general. I got some encouraging comments that I should open up about it, because perhaps it might be a way to help not only myself but also others. Its scary, terrifying, partly because it means I have to confess to something that is socially tabu. But also, and perhaps this is the scariest part, what if nobody cares? What if I write this hard text about myself and then I get no response? Its a scary thought indeed… But I’ve always admired people who dare to open up about their problems, and we should be able to talk more freely about this topic. If you tell me your back hurt; why can’t I tell you my soul hurts?

On that note; here goes:

I suffer from anxiety. For most of my life I’ve had feelings of worry, guilt and paranoia, which all fuels this anxiety. But since August last year its been worse than ever, and its what causes me and others to believe that I have a depression. I haven’t gotten a diagnoses, in fact I have never gotten a diagnosis about anything, but I do believe that I’m depressed. Not that it matters that much in the end, what matters is that I’m not feeling well and I need to do something about it.

Since my late teens I’ve been visiting professionals, sometimes regularly and sometimes not at all. If you have no experience with this you should know that it takes time. Not only do you have to go through a system that is extremely frustrating and time consuming, then you also have to find a person you feel comfortable talking to. If you don’t, the search starts over. And then you can actually start working on your problems. But before all of this even starts, you have to realize and admit to yourself that you have issues, and then dare to ask for help. In other words; mental illness often causes other hinders you have to get over.

I realize that this doesn’t sound very encouraging. However, I will tell you that its all worth it in the end. When you find the right person to talk to and you feel yourself improving, its worth all the hard work. As cliché as this may sound I’m going to mention it anyway; If life has taught me anything its that every struggle is worth the pain once you get through it. I made the mistake of taking a long break between therapy sessions. For almost eighteen months I did not visit a psychologist, thinking I was feeling “okay” and claiming I didn’t have time. Sadly, I didn’t make my own well-being priority number one and after a rough start of the autumn I crashed. I should have not been satisfied with  feeling “okay”; I should have kept going to strengthen myself. But I also do believe that its never too late to get better; If I have gotten worse than its only reasonable that I can get better again, right? I have hope, and I can only be thankful for the fact that I have extremely wonderful people in my life, that stays with me even when I feel crazy and act crazy. I call it crazy based on irony and a black sense humor – I know I’m not crazy and mental illness doesn’t make you crazy. But I need to be able to have a sense of humor about it all, or else I will indeed become crazy!

I will soon start another therapy treatment and hopefully it will be able to undo some knots that are stuck in my mind. If I get any updates regarding any diagnosis I will let you know, but its all very lose right now. All I can is that I’ve been waiting to start a treatment for months now, and I’m ready to get going, to not let the anxiety win!

I hope this text has shed some light on this issue. Lastly, I’m going to share a photo of myself. Ego-centric? Yes, but its related to the text since I’ve noticed that photo editing is one of the most effective ways to keep bad thoughts away right now. So, please enjoy my pretty face~☆

 

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Much love,
~K

☆Happy AVALINITY day!☆

Today, January 9 2015, Avalinity celebrates our third anniversary! Its hard to believe its only been three years because I feel like I’ve been knowing these people for so long by now. I love you! ❤

 

Ava

Also, thanks for the congratulations and fanart! It means a lot to us~☆

Only a couple of weeks left until our first show in 2015. Can’t wait!

Love,
~K

 

Happy 2015!

I hope you had a good celebration yesterday! I was hanging out with Areku and some other friends, making a three course dinner, drank champagne and watched a firework inferno – as it should be.

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In honor of 2014, I would like to present some of my favorite songs from the past year. The song titles links to Spotify or iTunes.

 

KattlivJoy
Strong release by newcomer Joy. Lyrics are about her own experiences and has lots of girlpower!

 

Grim ReaperFemme Fatale
FF just started this year but has had no less than three releases thus far! Because length ARCANA is brand new and has a very generous track list its hard to pick a favorite, but this song made a strong impact on me right from the beginning.

 

I lied Nicki Minaj
Too bad Anaconda has come to represent Minaj during 2014, because other songs on The Pink Print has lots of meaning and depth. This song is soft and showcases Minaj’s vocals skills.

 

Knäpper mina fingrar (remix)Linda Pira ft. Kumba, Rosh, Cleo, Sep, Vanessa Falk, Rawda, Julia Spada och Joy
Linda Pira invites lots of talented musicians to make a new take on her 2013 hit Knäpper mina fingrar (Snapping my fingers). Powerful and cool release that makes me want to dance!

 

Ace Taemin
I have one word in mind when I listen to this song – quality. As a solo artist Taemin gets to shine fully, and I do believe that his first solo release is good in general. Ace is a really soothing and unusual song that creates a really good mood.

 

Chain Repulsion Dir en grey
Unusually catchy guitars for being DEG. I feel like they are taking their new music into a direction I approve of and I’m curios to see what they will do in the future.

 

Break Free – Ariana Grande ft. Zedd
The most commercial song on this list. Its really catchy and the video is cute, so sue me!

 

有一个地方 (there is a place) – 吴亦凡 (Wu Yifan)
After the preview of Time Boils the Rain, this second piano ballad doesn’t come as a surprise. But its so, so good, and Yifan really gets to showcase his vocal talent. The fact that he has co-written the song doesn’t make things worse. Can’t wait to see the movie!

 

There you have it! I hope you can find some inspiration for songs you can listen to next year (other than the super cool songs Avalinity will bring this year *wink wink*).

So, until next time, take care of each other!

Love,
~K